


memory's old but i just can't let it go

by jakepuhralta



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-15 08:04:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11226777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jakepuhralta/pseuds/jakepuhralta
Summary: Beloved brother, nephew, and San Fransokyo Institute of Technology student Tadashi Hamada was mourned by many friends and loved ones after a devastating fire. A month later, it turns out he might not have suffered the fate everyone else seemed to think he had.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an unfinished fic that I started a year ago. I'm satisfied with the first chapter so I didn't see a reason to rewrite it. However, I'm going to completely rewrite the second and third chapters before I start writing the rest of the fic. Here is the first chapter for now.
> 
> Once again, this is a completely open-criticism-zone. If you didn't like something or want to give me feedback, please let me know. Enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Burnt skin and no idea of who he is, only vague memories that don't make sense.

Tadashi Hamada opened his eyes and gasped.

He didn’t open his eyes slowly or gradually, like the way a lot of coma patients do. No. He opened his eyes abruptly, as if he woke up from a nightmare.

He looked around. He was in what looked to be a small and simple bedroom. There was a wooden bedside table next to the bed where he was laying, an IV bag and a tube hanging from a metal hook, a window that showed a perfectly blue sky, a wardrobe, and a full-length mirror. There was nothing else.

He looked at himself, at what he was wearing. A long-sleeved white shirt and blue plaid pyjama bottoms.

He stood up and walked over to the full-length mirror. His dark hair was ruffled, his eyes looked tired. And his face…

The right side of his face and neck was wrinkled and pruny, and there were red scabs in some places.

He touched it incredulously. _Wha-?_

He rolled up his sleeve. The wrinkled and scabby skin ran down to his shoulder and the rest of his right arm, just stopping below his knuckles.

He looked skinnier than before. But he wouldn’t know that. He didn’t know what he looked like before.

Tadashi Hamada did not remember who he was.

Suddenly, he heard the door open. A young girl, about twelve years old, appeared and stopped right in her tracks, staring at him. “DAAAAAD, HE’S AWAKE!” she yelled.

“Where am I?” Tadashi asked.

“You’re in the spare bedroom,” she said. “DAAAAD, GET IN HERE!”

A man, who looked like a 40-year-old male version of the girl, appeared behind his daughter. He saw Tadashi and smiled slowly, walking further into the room. “Good! You’re awake!”

Tadashi swooned a little. It was clear he shouldn’t be back on his feet so quickly. “Whoa there,” the man said, leading Tadashi to sit down on the bed. “You still need some rest.”

“Who am I?” Tadashi asked. “Where are we? What am I doing here?”

The man stared at him confusedly. “You mean you don’t remember who you are? Or what happened?”

“No. I don’t remember anything! I just woke up on this bed, in this room, and I saw my burnt skin. I…” Tears welled up in his eyes.

“Well, I’m sorry, son. I don’t know who you are either. We were hoping you could tell us.”

There was a pause.

“I’m Niko, and this is my daughter Isabella. You don’t remember what happened to you before you got here?”

Tadashi shook his head.

“There was a fire about a month ago. At the multi-purpose building in the SFIT campus. I found you unconscious, lying on the grass right behind the building. You were covered in soot and I saw you did get burned, so I knew you must’ve been in the fire but were lucky enough to escape. I carried you to my car, brought you home, and you’ve been in a coma… until now. Luckily, they’re only second-degree burns, although your face is a bit damaged, but…you’ll live.”

Tadashi’s hands shook. That was too much information to process.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. You can stay here as long as you need to.”

“You don’t remember anything? At all?” Isabella asked.

“Isabella.” Niko gave her a stern look. “What?” she shrugged.

Tadashi thought for a moment.

_He was in what looked like a café. It was packed full of customers enjoying coffee and pastries. He could smell the warm scent of freshly-baked bread. He felt like he was holding something with one hand, like a tray of some sort. He looked down at his feet, and a chubby calico cat rubbed against his ankles, purring. He vaguely remembered a female voice talking to him, and he could have remembered what she looked like, but during the exchange, he was looking at the cat, not at the person talking to him._

He looked up. “A café.”

“What?” Niko turned back to him.

“I remotely remember a café. And there was a cat rubbing up against my feet. And there was a woman talking to me but… I couldn’t remember what she said. Or what she looked like.”

“Well, that’s helpful,” Isabella muttered.

“I can’t help you there, buddy. I don’t know anything about a café.”

“I get these random memories in flashes. When I looked in the mirror, I could remember looking in another mirror before…ugh, I’m sorry, this doesn’t make any sense.”

“I read that amnesia patients remember random memories in bursts, but they’re not exactly connected and don’t really help to piece back together everything at first. You’ll get there.” Niko patted him on the shoulder and smiled.

“Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat, or anything else?”

“Actually, I… I really want to take a shower.”

“Oh, you still remember those, huh?” Niko chuckled good-naturedly. “I’ll get you a fresh change of clothes and a towel. The bathroom’s right down the hall.”

The three of them exited the small spare room, and while Niko went to his own bedroom to get some clothes, Tadashi saw he was in a modest but neat house. There was a worn couch in the living room, a TV, a shelf filled with books. There were framed pictures hanging on the walls. In one of them, he saw Niko, Isabella when she was about eight, and a woman. They were all smiling.

Tadashi felt a sense of ache and longing. He had to remember who he was and where he came from.

“Here’s a towel, and some fresh clothes.”

He looked at Niko. “Thanks for this. For everything.”

“I know what it feels like to lose everything you had. But there’s always a way to regain at least some of it back.” Niko looked at Isabella standing behind them, watching. He turned back to Tadashi. “Go. Showers are good.”

As he felt lukewarm water rain down on him and he scrubbed soap on his burnt arm, Tadashi remembered another memory. 

_He was a young boy, about seven years old. He was in a bathtub, foamy bubbles surrounding him, the water the same temperature as his shower. He remembered a woman, most probably his mother, plop down another little boy, much younger than him, about two years old. There was a plastic sailboat and a yellow rubber duck. He could remember the sound of the two-year-old boy, his brother, laughing._

Great, he thought. As if I can remember what someone looks like now from when they were two years old.

Tadashi got dressed. He found Niko and Isabella sitting in the kitchen table, waiting for him. Three cups of coffee and some sandwiches were in front of them.

“Sit down, uhh…” Niko began. “Well, I don’t really know what to call you.” He chuckled embarrassedly. “Do you remember any nicknames people have called you at all?”

“No,” Tadashi said, and sat down. 

“How about just… John Doe?” Isabella suggested. “In all the crime shows I watch, that’s what they call a man if they don’t know what his name is.”

“Sounds good,” Tadashi muttered. He bit into his sandwich.

They sat quietly and ate. But Tadashi knew he was a long-overdue guest at their house, and he had to be polite.

“So, uhh… Niko. What do you do for a living? If—if I may ask. ‘Cause you knew how to take care of a coma patient. Are you a doctor?”

“No, no.” Niko chuckled. “I, uhh… it was my wife who was the doctor. I’m a teacher at Isabella’s school. Lorna taught me how to hook up an IV to someone who was unconscious, and treat burnt skin. If-if she was here, she would have been more helpful in taking care of you, though.”

“You were plenty helpful. I’m grateful for that.”

Niko smiled.

“You said the fire was at… SFIT? What’s that?”

“San Fransokyo Institute of Technology. The fire happened during a showcase. Isabella wanted to go, but we left the house late because I had a meeting. By the time we got there, the building was in flames. Of course, we got back into the car immediately, but traffic was so dense that the back roads were completely blocked, and I had no choice but to take the road right behind the burning building. I saw you lying on the grass, and I knew leaving you there would be wrong. I ran up to you and you were still breathing, and I didn’t know if you had health insurance or if you even had a family, so I took you back to my house instead of the hospital…”

“Do you know how the fire happened?”

“Not exactly. I remember hearing an explosion shortly before I got to the road behind it, but the fire didn’t look big enough to scare me away. We had to get home. Then I saw you.”

Tadashi stared at his sandwich.

After eating, Tadashi made a decision. He had a family. He could just feel it. Why else would he remember sharing a tub with a two-year-old boy who was most likely his brother? And he didn’t want to keep giving Niko and Isabella the burden of taking care of him.

Niko and Isabella were now sitting on the couch. Isabella was texting on her phone while Niko was reading the newspaper.

Tadashi cleared his throat. “Guys, uhh…”

“Yes, John?”

“Thank you for attending to me this past month. But I have to go home.”

“You can’t leave just yet. You don’t remember anything! How are you going to get home?” Niko asked.

“We’re in San Fransokyo, right?”

“The suburbs. It takes a while to get to the business district. How would you know if you lived in the city or in the suburbs?”

“Okay, you have a point. I don’t remember anything. But I was thinking if I went back to the city, I could jog my memory. If I see familiar places, it might lead me to some answers. Of who I am and what my life was like before…” Tadashi faltered. He was acting like a total idiot. But he couldn’t spend another minute burdening this family. He had to be pro-active.

“Well… that does help amnesia. Okay. We’ll let you go-“

“Umm, how about just going to the police and asking them if they recognize him?” Isabella asked. “I don’t know, like a missing persons list or whatever?”

“No!” Tadashi shouted.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s just that… I… um. What if I’m a bad person? What if I was a criminal? What if I was the one who set that fire? I don’t want to be blindsided by getting arrested and not get a sense of what my life used to be.”

“Kid, you look too innocent to be a criminal. But if you don’t want to go to the police, and you want to investigate on your own, I respect that. Hang on just a moment.” Niko stood up from the couch and went to his bedroom. He then got back with a brown paper bag.

“Here’s the stuff you had on you when we found you.” Tadashi sat down and emptied the bag on the living room table. There was a burnt, melted I.D. card where only half his photo showed and nothing else, a cellphone, a pair of green Converse sneakers, and ratted, half-burnt clothes with a lot of holes.

“I washed your clothes, but they’re too damaged to wear now. The entire right sleeve of your blazer was burnt right off. We couldn’t get anything out of your I.D. obviously, so we didn’t know your name. I think it must’ve been in a pocket of some sort near your right arm, which is why it’s melted. Your phone’s dead, so we couldn’t get anything out of that either, and we don’t have any compatible chargers. You didn’t have a wallet on you, which is too bad since you could’ve had more indications of who you were in there…”

“Thank you.”

“Are you sure about this? Are you ready to face the world? It could be too much of a surprise for you, John Doe, being unconscious for a month,” Niko said.

“I have to do this. And I can’t thank you enough for your help.”

“Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do. When night comes and you still haven’t found any answers or a place to stay, you come right back here. Here’s our address.” Niko grabbed a flyer for a bake sale and wrote something down. He folded it and gave it to Tadashi. “Also, heeere’s…” Niko reached for his back pocket and took out his wallet. “Seventy-five dollars. For cab fares or bus tickets or food or whatever. That should be enough.”

They all stood up.

“Hang on. You need some sort of communication device.” Niko grabbed Isabella’s phone off her hands. “Hey! I was using that!” 

“He needs it more right now than you do, honey. Besides, you have your own phone.”

“So this isn’t her phone?”

“No, uhh… that was my wife’s. Still works perfectly though. And I haven’t cancelled the plan yet.”

Tadashi looked at it.

“My number is saved under ‘Niko,’ of course. You call me if you need anything, but I’m going to be supervising an exam at Isabella’s school today. It’s on full battery, so don’t worry about that.” He grabbed an empty backpack from the floor and gave it to Tadashi. “You can put all your stuff here,” he said. He went back to the kitchen and wrapped the leftover sandwiches, and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. “Here’s some food,” he said, shoving them inside the backpack.

“Thanks, Niko.”

“Okay, well then I guess I have to drive you-“

“No, it’s okay. I’ll take the bus. I don’t want to inconvenience you anymore. You said so yourself, it takes a while to get to the city.”

“But, John…”

“Seriously, Niko. I still remember how to take the bus. Although… where are we?”

“Outer Sunset. Right near Ocean Beach.”

“Did-did you say beach?”

“Mm-hm.” Niko smiled. “Look outside, John. Smell the sea air.”

He opened the front door and they stepped outside. Niko’s house was in front of a long road, and beyond that road was golden sand and the frothy mouth of the ocean. Seagulls squawked, and he could see a few people walking along the shoreline. It wasn’t one of the busiest beachside places in all of San Fransokyo, but it was still beautiful.

“There’s a bus stop right over there,” Tadashi observed. “That’s what I need to take, right?”

“Yep. Are you absolutely sure about this, John?”

“Positive.”

“Okay. Well, you know how to reach us.”

Tadashi, with the backpack full of Niko’s sandwiches and his old tattered stuff that still smelled slightly of smoke slung over his shoulders, and the dollar bills stuffed in his front pocket, stepped further outside. He looked back and waved at Niko and Isabella.

“Bye, John!” they called out.

“Bye! And thanks for all your help!”

Niko closed the door to his home. Tadashi couldn’t help but go to the beach first. He ran towards it, felt the sand seep into his shoes, and the morning sunlight bathe his face. He could hear the flapping of a seagull’s wings and the swish of seawater against sand. Half his face might be burnt, and he might not remember anything substantial about his life including his own name, but he was going to work on it. On gaining his life back.

The bus that said SAN FRANSOKYO CBD on a glowing screen above the dashboard soon arrived, and Tadashi climbed in and paid his fare. He was filled with hope.  


He was sure that San Fransokyo had answers. And he was going to find them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boy who got left behind has a war between emotions inside of him; the boy who survived misses an opportunity for his first answer; the girl with the raven hair refuses to look back.

Hiro Hamada slowly and groggily opened his eyes.

His eyelids felt practically stuck together, like a crust was forming, and he had to rub them vigorously to get them to open completely. He glanced at the clock on his bedside table, which said it was 11:43am. He had overslept, but it's okay--it was Saturday.

He spotted the charging station at the foot of the bed, which to the uninformed looked like a weird, bulky, misshapen red toolbox of some sort. He felt a sense of victory and triumph, which was then immediately followed by grief. It had been like this every day for a month.

Then he remembered. It had been a _month._ A month since it happened.

Since the fire. Since his older brother, Tadashi, had perished in it.

Hiro wasn't going to lie--despite losing his brother, he wouldn't say that life had been cruel to him afterwards. He finally enrolled at SFIT, surrounded him with friends who loved him and challenged him intellectually, and he felt he could finally do what he loved, contribute to the world, and be credited for it all at the same time.

But most important of all, he had successfully rebuilt his brother's legacy.

To Hiro, robots were just ordinary components of everyday life in San Fransokyo. He loved them, but there were so many of them in the city, and he could build one so easily. But Baymax was special.

Baymax was Tadashi's invention, a large white robot resembling a marshmallow that knew 10,000 medical procedures. Baymax had sacrificed himself so that Hiro could escape a dangerous portal that was about to collapse.

But after discovering that Baymax's personality chip was clenched in the robot's fist all along, Hiro had regained all hope. He really thought he had lost Baymax forever, with only an arm to commemorate him. Using the blueprints and instructions from Tadashi's lab at the university, Hiro had easily rebuilt Baymax. But he didn't feel like he was alone in doing so--he felt like Tadashi was right there next to him, guiding his hands.

That was the victory and triumph that Hiro felt whenever he saw Baymax's charging station-slash-container. But the grief came from remembering that Tadashi, Baymax's original inventor and the one person that Hiro treasured the most, was gone. Forever.

It was like a heavy stone, that grief. Settling in the pit of Hiro's stomach. Every day. He was never going to get used to it.

Tadashi was the first thing he thought about every morning, and the last one he thought about at night.

There was a knock on the door.

"Hiro? You up?" It was Aunt Cass, who had raised them since their parents had died when Hiro was only three years old. She owned and managed a cafe, The Lucky Cat, which was downstairs while the three of them lived in the apartment upstairs. Well--there was only two of them now.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm up, Aunt Cass," Hiro said, throwing his blanket off of him and getting up from the bed.

"The lunch rush is about to come in but if you need more time--"

Ever since Tadashi died, Aunt Cass had cut Hiro some slack in helping around the cafe. He did need it during the first couple of weeks, but Hiro had started to feel better. Besides, when he wasn't at school, there was nothing else to keep him busy at home but clear tables and serve food downstairs.

"No, no, it's fine, Aunt Cass. Give me five minutes and I'll be right downstairs."

After putting on clean clothes and brushing his teeth, Hiro reached for the door. He turned to look at Baymax's charging station one more time before his day started, then finally climbed downstairs.

\----

On the other side of the city, Tadashi found himself walking along the streets of San Fransokyo in awe.

There were people of all shapes, colours, and sizes walking down the streets, which were littered with different advertisements and signage. It was broad daylight, but it wasn't hard for him to imagine what the city would look like at night, and he was sure that it was even more beautiful.

He entered a diner. Niko was right--the bus did take a while to get him from the suburbs into the business district, and he had eaten the sandwiches Niko had packed for him on the bus. It was lunchtime--amnesia sufferers got hungry too.

The diner wasn't _too_ packed, thank God. Tadashi settled himself in a corner booth. The place looked like a typical 50's diner, all red vinyl and white interiors, but it was also sprinkled with that modern, eclectic San Fransokyo twist. 

A waitress approached Tadashi. "What'll it be, sugar?" she asked, flipping open a notepad.

Tadashi glanced at the menu. "I'll just have two pieces of fried chicken with mashed potatoes, and a soda. Thanks."

As Tadashi sat, waiting for his food, some people stared at him. Half of his face _was_ made up of burnt skin after all. He hardly seemed to notice the stares though.

The waitress came back ten minutes later, a plate of piping hot chicken and potatoes in her hand and a glass of soda on the other, which she laid down before Tadashi. He thanked her.

"Hey, um..." the waitress began. "Yes?" Tadashi asked.

"If you don't mind me asking, what happened to your face?" she asked, gently.

That was when Tadashi realized that other people in the diner were staring at him, though not unkindly, more like out of pity.

"Umm... I was born like this. Genetic disorder. Weird, huh?" Tadashi stammered. He didn't know why he just lied like that. What would it matter if he told the truth? It's not as if he and this waitress knew each other anyway.

"Okay, honey. Enjoy your food," the waitress said, smiling kindly, before walking away.

There was a television mounted just above Tadashi's corner booth, with the purpose of entertaining customers while they ate. It was turned to the local news.

_"Former San Fransokyo Institute of Technology professor Robert Callaghan has been found guilty of arson, manslaughter, attempted murder, and major destruction of both public and private property at the conclusion of his trial today. He has been sentenced to 25 years in prison with no parole."_

A photo of a handsome, middle-aged man appeared onscreen next to the newscaster.

_"Callaghan has caused widespread destruction at San Fransokyo's technology district after his use of microbots pulverized the headquarters of Krei Tech, billionaire Alistair Krei's technological development company, as well as several buildings and roads in the area. During a battle between him and six heroes in highly advanced armour, a failed portal made by Krei Tech began to destabilize, which..."_

Tadashi had finished his food. He paid the bill and left the diner.

A petite girl with short, purple-streaked raven hair sitting on the other side of the diner watched him leave. She had been watching him ever since he entered the diner.

The newscast continued. _"Callaghan was also convicted of arson, as it was discovered that he was responsible for the devastating fire that destroyed SFIT's multi-purpose hall exactly one month ago. It was the fire that took place during the school's annual science showcase, and killed one of the university's top students, Tadashi Hamada. The hall was rebuilt and named after him in dedication."_ A photo of a young, good-looking male student appeared on the screen.

The petite girl looked back down to the clear glass doors of the diner, people passing it by, cars being driven down the street. It just... it couldn't be. It was impossible.

Just then, her phone rang. 

"Yo."

"Go Go, where are you?"

"I'm at a diner, Honey Lemon. But...I'm already leaving."

Go Go hung up. With a sigh, she got up from the table and left her now-empty coffee cup. She pushed open the doors and put her hands in her pockets, the noontime San Fransokyo sun beating down her face.

Whoever that was, whatever she just saw, she couldn't let it get her hopes up.


End file.
